The morning after

No walk of shame for me.

I found Felicia and we went… somewhere. She introduced me to Jimmy Jay or just “Jay.” Maybe it was just the initial “J.” Moving along…

I brought my own drink to the party (Mom’s safety tip #954), mingled with people I usually avoid, felt very small but otherwise semi-welcome.

Jay was both a gentleman and a strategist. He was big — like I can defend your honor or palm your head like a basketball big — a head taller than me and maybe a hundred pounds, too. He was cute, though… but like I said: a strategist.

You know that thing when you’re sizing someone up and you get caught? That split-second you have to decide whether to let them see you looking (since you’ve been caught) or pretend you’re looking in random directions and not panicking? Jay was a master. I’d catch him looking and be met with the kindest eyes… and that’s what both intrigued and bothered me. It’s like he instinctively knew the right balance between looking with interest but not leering, and he didn’t mind being caught stealing a glance.

Maybe he practiced it in a mirror.

So it got later. Felicia took me aside and asked if I wanted to hang out with Jay alone. She was amazing. While I was apprehensive, I rolled with it. I knew Jay could be dangerous if he wanted to be — did I mention he wasn’t small? — but I wanted perspective… I wanted to be wanted by someone who wasn’t you-know-who. I deserve that, right?

Jay and I left the party together. He was a complete gentleman, but he wasn’t shy about his intentions. That was the instant I realized I wasn’t prepared for what could have happened next. Every lady alarm in my head started going off about the worst that could happen, from not being able to stop him if I changed my mind to imagining my professors walking in on us. Hilarious, right? I even thought darker, about being unconscious and stuffed into a trunk — even though Jay drove a truck.

As I thought it, Jay could see it. I’m a terrible liar.

I doubted… so I didn’t.

Jay was good with that. Whew.

At the same time, I felt awful for him.

They say you shouldn’t go to the supermarket hungry because temptation will fill your cart and empty your wallet. Jay was filet mignon, seared medium rare and I was starving. I tried telling myself afterward that he was only interested because Felicia had set me up with him, but I don’t hate myself that much. I clean up nice and dress well; I’m not unattractive.

So I fell asleep in my own bed — alone, but not unhappy.

A private room has its privileges.

  • Note: “Someplace.” Maybe. Or not really.

gschousing

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